


Words Fail- Songfic

by EmotionalDorito



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, No Good Nick (TV)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Crying, Hurt, Nick is just being a proper emo, Words Fail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 20:03:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20315224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmotionalDorito/pseuds/EmotionalDorito
Summary: In which Nick apologizes to the Thompsons using words from Dear Evan Hansens' 'Words Fail' because the whole scene gave me those vibes.TW- Negative Emotions, Crying, 'Betrayal' (Lemme know if I missed anything)~Season 2 Spoilers~





	Words Fail- Songfic

_‘I never meant to make it such a mess  
I never thought that it would go this far’ _

Even if this was all a set up for the Harboughs, Nick decided to use this chance to truly apologize to the Thompsons, knowing fully well this could be her last time to honestly speak to them. She hadn’t intended for them to get hurt, it was supposed to be an easy job, but she had gotten lost in her web of lies, her need for revenge. She was and still was lost, between who she was and what she did.

_‘So I just stand here sorry_  
_Searching for something to say_  
_Something to say’_

Even now, after everything, she knew she could never make it up, there was nothing she could even say to begin to make it up to them, but she had to try. It was the least she could do for them.

_‘Words fail’_ She hesitated, thinking through what she had to say next, but she decided just to wing it, this wasn't a con with an intricate character. This was her. _‘Words fail  
There's nothing I can say’_

The Thompsons had fallen quiet, and her voice sliced through the silent room. Each of them stared at her intently, taking in everything. She looked towards Molly first, the best Best Friend she could have ever even asked for. Even if it had all been a lie.

_‘I guess I thought I could be part of this_  
_I never had this kind of thing before_  
_I never had that perfect girl_  
_Who somehow could see the good part of me’_

She had had friends before, people she could laugh with, but with Molly it was different. Around her, she felt a little more like her old self, before the world fell apart around her. Around her she knew she could take on the world, it gave her that little bit of strength she needed not to break apart and cry each day.

_‘I lost the dad who stuck it out_  
_No more corny jokes or Guys Donuts’_

She thought her dad would be with her forever, but instead, he left her to deal with his spiral of bad life decisions and mistakes. Her world was stark and cold without their nights singing in Franzelli’s, but when Ed came into her life she realized she could have all of that again. He was the first one to accept her into their family, and as she realized now looking directly into his glaring eyes, the one who hated her the most. She lost another dad.

_‘No mom who was there_  
_To cook, bake and teach me how to be’_

Liz had been the mother she never had. She was there when she fell, always holding a plate of cookies or a pasta bake of some sort. She was tough but so was Nick, so the two got along surprisingly well. Although it took her a long time to warm up to her, she had finally loved Nick as her own daughter, and she had to go and destroy that.

When Liz saw her she saw a lost child trying to find her way, and although everyone knew her as the strongest and coldest in the family, this girl was baring her soul to them and she could feel her eyes begin to sting.

_‘I needed the brother who was strong_  
_To trust and believe I could succeed’ _

Although it had taken him the longest out of everyone else to come around, he had been an excellent ally and an amazing brother. Once he finally trusted her, he went all in, even entrusted her with his biggest secret (even if unintentionally). When she finally destroyed him and took her revenge, the expressions on his face wasn’t one of anger or hate, it was hurt and betrayal. Even now as she looked over to him, he still looked hurt, which pained Nick even more. She really had messed this one up

_‘That's not a worthy explanation_  
_I know there is none_  
_Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done’_

Looking back, she can’t even recognize who she was. The things she had done were spiteful and cruel. Looking back she wasn’t even thinking of how the Thompsons took away her dad, she could only see the web of lies she had spun for herself. She didn’t expect to love the Thompsons as much as she had.

_‘Words fail, words fail_  
_There's nothing I can say_  
_Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted_  
_And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had_  
_And it's right there, right there, right there_  
_In front of you’_

She was really choking up now, the words came flooding out. All Nick had ever wanted was the picture-perfect family. The Thompsons had cared for her, loved her even. Treated her like one of them. Around the Thompsons she felt happy and content. Although she had missed her dad like crazy, what he had done to her wasn’t right, but she knew the Thompsons would have never done that to her. Looking around the room she thought of all the happy memories she had in this dining room, from every single family breakfast to joking around the dinner table. Even on her first night, she knew she cared too much, and couldn’t do it to them. She couldn’t bear to lose out on this chance of normalcy.

_'And you want to believe it's true_  
_So you make it true'_

Nick had lied and forced her way into the family. They were never really even family, they were just fools who fell into her trap. But it just hurt so badly seeing them like this.

_'And you think maybe everybody wants it_  
_And needs it, a little bit too'_

Nick wondered if put in her situation, would Molly and Jeremy do the same? Were her actions rationalized in the slightest or was she just a terrible? If she had been with the Thompsons from the start could she maybe have turned out to be something good? Did she ever stand a chance in this cruel, manipulative world?

_'This was just a sad invention_  
_It wasn't real, I know'_

The hypotheticals didn’t matter, none of it did. The Thompsons didn’t love her, not anymore. They never did love her for who she was, they loved Nick Patterson, the sad orphan who was a distant cousin, not Nick Franzelli, the liar and con artist stealing to give money to the mafia. The one who’s life they ripped upside down. The happy memories they had were built on lies.

_' I guess I couldn't let that go_  
_I guess I couldn't give that up_  
_I guess I wanted to believe_  
_'Cause if I just believe_  
_Then I don't have to see what's really there'_

The self-reflection she had been forcing herself through these last few days had been unbearable. She wasn’t happy with who she was, with what she’d done. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. If forced to describe herself, the only words that came to Nick's mind were Traitor. A traitor to her dad, a traitor to the Thompsons and the Harbaughs. Did she even know anything else about herself or would she just hide under that label until she couldn't run from her emotions any longer.

_'No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts_  
_Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am'_

Nick stopped trying not to cry, instead letting the hot tears that were building up to stream down her face, filled with anger and disappointment in herself. She had this whole other persona just to get away from herself but life has a way of catching up. This was probably the most honest she'd ever been with anyone. Her bloodshot eyes scanned around the room. Molly was doing her best to avoid eye contact, intently fiddling with the table cloth instead. Jeremy stared directly at her but his expression was distant. Liz and Ed were looking directly at each other communicating silently, the way only long-married couples could. The Thompsons didn’t care for her, and she couldn’t exactly blame them for it.

_'Cause then I don't have to look at it_  
_And no one gets to look at it_  
_No, no one can really see'_

A sob escaped her mouth.

_'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake_  
_Before I even turn the key_  
_Before I make the mistake_  
_Before I lead with the worst of me_  
_I never let them see the worst of me'_

She gasped for breath. Her whole body started to shake with the exertion of each shuddering breath between her sobs and her speech. Gripping against the edge of the table until her knuckles turned white, she could barely see out of her misty eyes. There was a moment of silence. Liz began to say something but Nick interrupted her, her voice much softer than before.

_'Cause what if everyone saw?_  
_What if everyone knew?_  
_Would they like what they saw?_  
_Or would they hate it too?_  
_Will I just keep on running away from what's true?'_

Nick started to laugh gently, whether it was a coping mechanism or just a show of her cruel character, this entire situation amused her to no end. Big, Bad, Furious Nick, opening her cold unloving heart to a group of people who didn’t even care for her. Her ultimate downfall being a family who she didn't even have the heart to rob.

_'All I ever do is run_  
_So how do I step in_  
_Step into the sun?_'

Just one happy moment in her life, not stained but her past or the unforgiving tomorrow. One moment of normalcy, was that too much to ask for?

_‘…Step into the sun’_

Before they could start to respond she raised her glass, cueing their grand finale. She prepared herself for the teasing she would no doubt get from Dorothy and Ted over her tears. She watched as the closest thing she’s ever had to a family slumped against the table, their fake unconscious selves looking particularly distraught.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so I finished Season 2 and I couldn't stop crying so I decided to write this. Have a great day y'all and remember to stay hydrated <3


End file.
